


we’re only alive if we bruise (surrender tonight before we both lose this fight)

by OsleyaKomWonkru



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Dominant Niylah, Dubious Consent, Episode: s06e02 Red Sun Rising, F/F, Feelings, Fix-It, Grief, Rage, Semi-Public Sex, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, emotional aftercare, surrender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 11:25:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18755509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OsleyaKomWonkru/pseuds/OsleyaKomWonkru
Summary: Octavia’s rage and self-loathing are about to drive her into any fists that will take her. Niylah takes drastic measures to prevent it.How the sparring scene in 6x02 should have ended.“Surrender.” Niylah growled against Octavia’s skin, nipping along the long column of her neck, fingers on Octavia’s belly slipping ever lower. “Surrender tome.”“Surrender.” Octavia purred, a smirk appearing on her features. “Remember who you’re talking to.I don’t surrender.”Octavia fisted her free hand in Niylah’s hair, dragging her up and tilting her own head back so their mouths met in a harsh clash, the taste of Octavia’s blood flooding Niylah’s senses.This hadn’t been the way Niylah had ever envisioned their first kiss, but it was what it was, all hot breath, sharp teeth and the metallic tang of blood. If it stopped Octavia from looking for a fight she was unlikely to come back from, Niylah was ready to give it her all.





	we’re only alive if we bruise (surrender tonight before we both lose this fight)

**Author's Note:**

> SO glad I can finally post this one! I only just finished watching 6x02 in its entirety, though I admit I'd watched almost all of the Octavia clips beforehand. Ergo I've had this one written for almost a month, and I've got more Niytavia fix-its coming in the next few days for many of the other scenes.
> 
> This episode gives me Feelings. I mean, it is obvious that Niylah cares about Octavia, it is so fucking obvious especially considering no one else does, but she really needed to step up her game so Octavia, in all of her rage and despair, knows it too. Knows that there's someone in her corner. Because now that Octavia is on the ground - without Niylah - I'm worried about her, because Niylah is the only one on Team Octavia right now. Not even Octavia herself is and that breaks my heart :(
> 
> So anyway, this fic - I've tagged it Dubious Consent, which may or may not be applicable, but just being cautious. But given that it is not entirely dissimilar to the scene with Octavia and Ilian in 4x07, I think it fits for a canon interpretation of how things could happen if the show let Niytavia happen.
> 
> Trigedasleng:
> 
> strikon - little one  
> Ai wigod yu op, Okteivia - I forgive you, Octavia

_“Okteivia, stop!”_ Niylah yelled.

But she didn’t. Octavia kept slamming her fist into the control box, over and over again, as if she was in a trance, hands getting bloodier and bloodier as she went.

Niylah had enough.

Octavia’s attention was so focused on the control box that she didn’t register Niylah coming at her until she was already tackled to the floor, arms flailing until Niylah pinned each one down by the wrist, straddling Octavia’s thighs for good measure to pin the rest of her body down.

“Stop, _strikon.”_ Niylah whispered. “Stop.”

Octavia struggled, but Niylah shifted her weight, keeping the other girl pinned.

“Get off of me!” Octavia snarled. “Get. Off.”

“No. I’m not going to let you keep punishing yourself like this.”

“I’m not punishing myself.”

“Right. Of course not. So what did that control box do to you?”

Octavia responded by headbutting her in the jaw, flipping her off-balance and getting back to her feet, circling back towards the control box.

Niylah jumped to her feet, rubbing her jaw with one hand, but moving between Octavia and the control box.

“I said no.” Niylah said firmly. “You want to fight, you fight with me. Not the ship.”

“Fine.” Octavia threw a rapid succession of jabs at her, which Niylah blocked as quickly as she could, inching them away from the control box and back into the junction of the hallways.

One of Niylah’s return punches caught Octavia across the mouth, blood streaming from her lip as she turned back and smiled.

“There you go.” Octavia said darkly, throwing some wild punches in Niylah’s direction which didn’t even come close to connecting, but let another one of Niylah’s through, bruising her jaw and spilling more blood down her chin.

“Come on, you can do better than that.” Octavia goaded. “Where’s that girl with the righteous anger that I trained in the bunker? Who wanted to know how to go up against Farm Station, the people that killed her father?”

Octavia probably meant for that to encourage Niylah to dive deeper into the fight, but it had the opposite effect. Like she’d been drenched in cold water, the memories of the past reminded Niylah with stark clarity of what was happening here.

They’d sparred enough in the bunker that Niylah knew Octavia’s technique. She knew Octavia was strong, focused - but now her aim was going off, not even trying to connect, and she was practically throwing herself into Niylah’s fists.

Octavia _wanted_ pain. Why was she giving it to her?

Niylah started pulling her punches, throwing them wide so Octavia couldn’t connect with them, leaning into Octavia’s own jabs so that they’d connect instead, a ruse that Octavia saw through easily.

“Like hell.” Octavia growled. “Fight properly.”

“Like you’re doing?” Niylah shot back. “You’re not looking to fight, you’re looking for pain. You’re looking for punishment.” Niylah raised her hands in surrender. “I’m not giving it to you. And I’m not sorry about that.”

“Fine. I’ll find someone who wants to fight with me.” Octavia spat at her. “I’m sure people will be lining up to take a swing at me.”

Octavia wasn’t wrong, and that’s what scared Niylah. She couldn’t let Octavia walk away and find those people, if she did, there was the very real possibility that she wouldn’t ever come back.

That may have been what Octavia wanted, but Niylah wasn’t going to let that happen.

Time for a new approach.

Octavia spun on her heel to leave, but Niylah grabbed one of her wrists, pulling her back and then slamming her chest-first into the wall, pinning her there with one hand twisted up behind her back, Niylah’s arm pressed across her shoulders as she struggled against the hold.

“You’re not going anywhere.” Niylah hissed into her ear, before running her lips over Octavia’s neck and picking a spot on which she sucked hard.

Niylah heard Octavia gasp as she bit down on the spot, a shudder sweeping through Octavia’s whole body as if it was trying to decide whether to fight or to give in. Niylah slipped her free hand around to splay it out on Octavia’s stomach, pressing her hips back against her own body, the tip of her pinky finger just ever so slightly slipping into the waistband of Octavia’s pants.

“Surrender.” Niylah growled against Octavia’s skin, nipping along the long column of her neck, fingers on Octavia’s belly slipping ever lower. “Surrender to _me.”_

“Surrender.” Octavia purred, a smirk appearing on her features. “Remember who you’re talking to. _I don’t surrender.”_

Octavia fisted her free hand in Niylah’s hair, dragging her up and tilting her own head back so their mouths met in a harsh clash, the taste of Octavia’s blood flooding Niylah’s senses.

This hadn’t been the way Niylah had ever envisioned their first kiss, but it was what it was, all hot breath, sharp teeth and the metallic tang of blood. If it stopped Octavia from looking for a fight she was unlikely to come back from, Niylah was ready to give it her all.

She slipped her hand further into Octavia’s pants, fingertips sliding between her legs where she felt her already slick. Niylah shoved two fingers into her without any preamble, smirking in satisfaction herself when Octavia broke off their kiss with a moan, bucking against her hand.

“This... isn’t... surrender.” Octavia murmured, even as her hips moved of their own accord to chase after Niylah’s fingers as she pumped them in and out at a bruising pace and her head lolled back onto Niylah’s shoulder.

“Keep telling yourself that.” Niylah whispered, licking a path down Octavia’s neck, biting down on a new spot to the sound of an appreciative moan.

Octavia’s hips chased after Niylah’s hand, wanting more than just her fingers, wanting to feel the grind of her palm or her thumb or _anything_ against her clit, but Niylah took care to not let that happen, to not let Octavia get that friction that she’d need to come.

That would require surrender. Which so far, Octavia wasn’t willing to give.

As the minutes ticked on, it seemed like Octavia was beginning to realize this as well. Niylah watched her face carefully, watching her expressions shift as she struggled between her pride and her ever growing _need_ to release the tension flooding her body.

“It’s simple, _Okteivia.”_ Niylah hissed into her ear. “Surrender to me, and you’ll be free. I just need you to say the words.”

Octavia didn’t say anything, but she didn’t protest either, which was progress. She whimpered, the arm Niylah had pinned between them twitching, and Niylah released the hold across her shoulders, releasing Octavia’s arm and wrapping her arm across Octavia’s collarbone instead, pulling her close.

“Come on, _Okteivia._ I know you want to.”

Octavia mewled in protest, moving her now free hand to cup herself over her pants, grinding Niylah’s palm into her core, though Niylah moved quickly to pull that hand away, and the other, pinning them both against the wall above Octavia’s head. That move shouldn’t have been as easy as it was, and Niylah knew that Octavia was close to giving in.

“Please.” Octavia whispered, voice so low that Niylah almost missed it.

“Please what?”

“Please. I surrender. _Please.”_

Niylah pressed a soft kiss to the spot behind Octavia’s ear, and finally, _finally,_ swiped her thumb over Octavia’s clit, feeling her shudder apart with a soft sob.

Octavia went limp against her, and Niylah released her hands, pulling her other hand out of Octavia’s pants gently so that she could cradle her properly, easing them both down to the floor.

As she positioned them as comfortably as she could, resting up against the wall, Niylah noticed that Octavia’s shoulders were still shaking with sobs, tears streaking down her face as she clung on to Niylah, pressing her face into her shoulder.

Niylah didn’t say anything, just held her close, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, knowing that she’d talk in her own time.

“I thought when this was all over, that I’d stop feeling this way.” Octavia wept. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Niylah murmured into her hair.

“I’m angry all the time, and everything – it was for _nothing,_ and I can’t – everything I did, everything that should have meant something – they _destroyed_ it and – how can _they_ still be happy knowing everything that they did, and I’m here tearing myself apart and my _brother_ can’t stand the sight of me so much that he left me asleep in a _coffin_ and -”

“Shhhhhhh.” Niylah pressed more kisses to Octavia’s head. “Don’t focus on them. If you do that, the anger will never go away. And I know you want it to. You’re tired of living with that pain.”

“What else is there but pain?”

“This.” Niylah cupped Octavia’s jaw and made her look up so that they were eye to eye, brushing Octavia’s hair back and pressing a soft kiss to her lips. “You can’t heal your heart by bruising it against the people that broke it in the first place. That will only make it hurt worse, since they only want you to feel pain. But you don’t deserve that, _Okteivia._ You deserve peace and healing. I can help you.”

Octavia looked away. “You’re wrong. I don’t deserve it. Not after what I’ve done.”

“Yes, you do. I’ve decided that you do.”

“How? I’m a monster.”

“I forgive you. Is that what you need to hear?” Niylah said, pressing their foreheads together. “You did what you had to do to keep us alive. There is no shame in that. I’ve never thought there was. But if that’s what you need to hear – I forgive you. _Ai wigod yu op, Okteivia._ Let me help you heal. Please.”

“Everyone might hate you, for staying with me.”

“I’m not interested in the company of a bunch of hypocrites anyway.”

“I’ll still get angry and full of rage. I know I will.”

“Healing takes time. I won’t pretend that it will be easy because I know it won’t be.”

“We might get more bruised and bloody than we currently are.”

“As long as you promise to spar with me and not go picking fights with people who don’t care whether you live or die, I’m okay with that.” Niylah thumbed over Octavia’s bruised and bleeding lip. “Besides, I can give as good as I get.”

A small smile began to appear on Octavia’s face, though her eyes were dead serious. “Are you sure, _Naila?_ Are you absolutely sure that you want to deal with a mess like me, when there’s a whole new planet of possibilities out there?”

“Yes.” Niylah said firmly, taking both of Octavia’s hands in hers. “I’m with you.”

“Okay.” Octavia said, her smile turning tired as she settled in with her head on Niylah’s shoulder. “Then I guess you’re with me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Armor" by Landon Austin. Which I've also used for [rough emotional sex in a Malec fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11728758) on my other account, so if any of you ship Malec from Shadowhunters too, you may want to go check that one out :D


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